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Freedom Fries Shouldn’t We Discuss This? The other day I ran into one of my old buddies. Well, Gus wasn’t exactly a buddy, if you know what I mean, but we tend to refer to our acquaintances that way. Anyway, he greeted me with a hearty, "Hey Buddy, whataya think of them Frenchies?" "Uh, hiya Gus. Whatever happened to ‘how ya doon?’" "Oh, yeah, sorry," Gus replied. "But, whataya think. Ya think we oughta boycott French wine and cheese?" "Gus, you only drink beer, and Cheese Whiz is about your speed fromage-wise." "So?" Gus knitted his eyebrows together. "That mean I can’t boycott’m?" About the only French Gus would know about was French kissing, and it was hard for me to even picture that. "What boycott would that be?" "It’s all over town. Them Frenchies is refusin’ to support our foreign policy. It’s downright un-American if you ask me." I could see where this was going. "Yeah, so we ain’t supposed to buy no more French Champaign or cheese or nuttin." "Well, Gus, I guess you guys are going to put a real hole in the French economy. However, what about that beer you’re drinking?" "My Heinie? What about it" "German beer, isn’t it?" "Yeah, so?" "Well, when last I checked, the Germans were even more against our plans for Iraq than France was." The French, at least, were still keeping their options open. The German Chancellor ran his winning election on a blatant anti-American ticket." "Yeah, that so? I ain’t heard nuttin like dat." "So, I guess you’d have to boycott sauerkraut, frankfurters, and hamburgers as well." "Hey, I ain’t mad at the Germans?" "Why, because they’re not French? What is this, Gus?" "Hey, all we’re tryin’ to do is bring democaratize dem Arabs. What’s wrong wit dat?" "Isn’t France a democracy?" "Who gives a hoot?. Dey voted against us." "Isn’t that the point of democracy?" Poor Gus seemed really confused by now. I sailed on: "Listen, we make all this noise about free will and all, but all we’re really concerned about it getting our way. Why do you suppose we seem to end up supporting dictators around the world – and really suppressive regimes like that in Saudi Arabia? That’s where most of the 911 terrorists came from, you know?" "Yeah, but…" "The whole point of democracy is to discuss things and make up our minds. Then, the majority view wins out – unless or until they get proved wrong. Then, we vote again and maybe take a different course. That’s how it’s supposed to be done." "Yeah, but what if we’re right and they’re wrong?" "That’s why it’s our patriotic responsibility to discuss these things." "You sound just like my wife." Gus then took on a mockingly feminine tone; "Gus, Honey, we need to discuss this. Gus, didn’t we discuss this?" Then, he threw his hands up. "Geez, Wil, when did you grow breasts?" My head hurt and there wasn’t even a dent in the bricks. "But, what if they’re right and we’re wrong? What if all this is just for oil? How many are going to die to find out?" Gus thought for a moment, then smiled. "Either way we win – the dead will be over there." "Yeah, and we’ll all get to watch it from the safety of CNN, while driving our SUVs or drinking our beer." "But, none a’dat French wine. Whatta Frenchies know ‘bout liberty?" "Yeah, the French are so un-American " I called the waitress over. "Hey, gimme a Dortmunder..., and a cheeseborger… with Velveeta."
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